a lunatic's mind

updated
the thing i have written below can seem like complete bs or something interesting. you may also find it depressing. you may also think i am trying to sound smart or cool or whatever(or maybe you don't think that.)i consider myself as an idiot and i have a lot of things left to realise and understand rn. but i'm not trying anything. i just wanted to write this.
i'm way too confused rn. honestly, i don't even know wtf is going on. but there are some things i find super-interesting. some of them include music, movies, anime, learning about things in general. there is something i stumbled upon few years ago that was "knowing yourself" or "who am i". here's what i understood.

i’m not my name because it’s just a identification thing. i’m not my body because it’s just literally bones and muscles. i’m not my brain because it’s a fking organ. i’m not my mind(मन) because they are made up of memories you personal(subjective) experiences, societal learnings and experiences (you would be surprised to know how much one learns from society). so now it’s emptyness.
so one thing becomes clear, if you’re worshipping a human, there is no one more dumb than you. ask yourself who are you worshipping ? the name, the body or the mind? if you have all of it, then how are you any different?

so now, the question arises, who am i ?

actually i don’t even know, but there is something there, i don’t know what. and i am also not trying to fill it with anything like god, allah, jesus etc. etc.
i just want to know. i am seeking the truth. and i am in no hurry.
there’s something permanent which some people may have found 100 or 1000 or 10000 years ago. (which i can’t verify is true or not!!). there may be some people among us who’ve also realised the truth. and there will be some who may realise it in the future. there is a big fking i don’t know !!

i also realised(or may have not realised) one thing. you as a being or whatever you are “undeniably completely alone”. literally you, me and everyone is completely alone as an individual. i’m not talking about lonely, but alone. you may have your parents,friends etc etc. but everyone here is alone.

it’s not that easy to realise or understand this. i love my parents and my sister to death. maybe someday i’ll understand and accept this.

so after reading this, what do you think ? or does it even matter what we or i think ? or the truth is the truth. what we, i, you or anyone thinks has no effect on the truth? who knows?
rn, this much is in my mind, i'll keep updating it in the future.
also if you wanna talk about movies,anime,music or whatever was above :[cal.com link]
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